I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
