and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
