Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
