Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
