I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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