My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
