I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
