we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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