i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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