funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
