I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
