I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
