it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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