Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
