My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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