i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
