If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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