Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My pussy is not your playground.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
