you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
