Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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