On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
