dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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