I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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