im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
