Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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