enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
