found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
