dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
