Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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