East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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