We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My bed smells like the plague
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
