He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
