It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
