I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
