Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
