You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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