did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
