if i can run in heels then i can drive
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
