my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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