never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
