I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want a musical about memes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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