Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
