the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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