You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
