I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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