this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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