just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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