he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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