3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
