feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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