Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you would pick up someone in the library
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
