I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
