actually, I'm a sock model
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
