You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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