cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
