There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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