Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
