My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
