It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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