I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
