Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
