somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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