Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize