Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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