my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
