We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
