Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
