It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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