Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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