GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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