Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
