I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
