so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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