You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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