just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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