Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
