I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found puke in my bra..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
