she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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