singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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