i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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